Welcome back for another week of our Thankfulness Series! This week is a special friend who comes to us from Kodiak!!! She and I have a 9hr time difference between us yet we are quickly becoming such amazing bloggy buddies! Please stop by her blog, The Mommy Matters, and read her beautiful work. (oh – and she totally does blog design too – i won a blog critique from her & can’t wait to read it – find out more at Media Mom Creative)
Embrace and be Thankful
Finding out your pregnant two weeks into your marriage and almost four months into your pregnancy, is a bit overwhelming. Talk about a total sense of emotional rush. When those two pink lines showed up on that pregnancy test, I felt my knees go weak under me.
Iím not ready to be a mom. I just got married so how can this be happening already? We are supposed to be newlyweds for a year or two before we start talking about kids…
To say that I wasnít prepared to be a mother at 20 years old, would be an understatement. I was as far from mommy material as one person could be, I think. Iíd never been around small children, never spent any time with a newborn (except for a few minutes here and there when I visited family members in the hospital), and couldnít even recall ever having to change a dirty diaper.
But on October 27, 2008; I found myself in a world that was nothing like I had ever, or would ever, experience again.
I became a mom.
Almost 17 hours worth of labor, a few close calls, more than 24 hours with zero sleep, and a 6 pound, 8 oz. baby boy later, I had entered the throes of motherhood.
Looking back now on those first few months with my son and our initial time together as a family of three, I realize just how blessed I am. Iím reminded of all that I have to be†thankful†for.
We made the decision in early 2011 to start actively trying to add to our family. Weíve still been up in the air with how many kids we want (the husband would stop at two, while Iíve always dreamed of four), but weíre both in agreement that having†just one†isnít in the books for us.
Or is it?
Almost eight months into our journey toward having a second child, weíve had one chemical pregnancy and a handful of evaporated hopes, but no baby. Week after week, month after month, the clock ticks by, the sticks donít turn and we see single line after single line.
When you want a baby, it seems that everyone around you is getting pregnant, announcing said pregnancies or having their own children. ďBaby feverĒ is a light term compared to what Iíve encountered during the last few months: wishing and praying and hoping that this month will be ďourĒ month. Spending hours (okay, maybe not†hours) on Pinterest browsing nurseries and fantasizing about maybe having a daughter someday…or even another son to be best friends with his big brother.
Itís during these times of†want†that itís easy to become unappreciative of the things that we do have. Whether weíre aching for a bigger house (guilty), a new car, nicer camera equipment (guilty again), or a better job…looking ahead to what we†donít have†erases the beauty of what we do.
In these months of waiting and aching and praying that we get our second child, I choose to just embrace what is. Embrace the reality that, no matter what†I†think, maybe right now just isnít the right time for us. For me. For a second child.
Instead, I choose focus on what I†do†have: A happy, healthy, rambunctious and totally heart breaking son; a loving husband who works hard to take care of us; my own business doing something I love; a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food on the table.
So for now, despite my continuing baby fever and desire for more, I choose to just sit back, embrace and be†thankful†for what Iíve already been blessed with.
Please stop by her blog and show her some love.
The Mommy Matters†